A Little Bit of Everything

September 15, 2006
Ankara, Turkey

I got my first batch of hate mail today (if you exclude the evil letters form two very angry Indian girls last November, right, Rad?), but I think it is from the same person because he/she used a news agency to send me an article and added a note. You know how you can email an article to a friend, or whatever? Well, he/she sent it from me to myself. I think he/she is a complete sissy, but it makes me feel famous. Or that someone took the time out to get mad at me. Let me show you: "Read you idiot...

I think your choice of language in describing the LTTE as a terror unit betrays your superficial understanding of the situation in Sri Lanka. Generally you seem to be a person of little intelligence, which is why you are writing for a journal in Turkey??Obviously everything that has an opinion and contradicts state led terrorism is the real terror to greedy malevolent people like you. Why not go and get a real job…do what Guju's do best make money out of other people's misery…ooops I forget…that is what you are doing." "erm doubt if u r a real Hindu but try and read the Mahabharata or even Gita to enhance your lack of understanding." So what I said in my comments was that 1) that the Tamil Tigers used terrorist tactics, but that they might be justified to a small degree because of the historical context of injustice and lack of change provided to them, 2) that there is never a one side right and wrong, i.e. in the case of India and Pakistan, and 3) that you cannot side with any particular agenda based on national or ethnic justification solely. Anyway, I think the person is Indian, probably Tamil, because he knew from my name that I was Gujarati and Hindu. Also, I don't see why he had to insult Turkey. Ignorant people really piss me off.

Ok, back to the good stuff. I am getting published in a book, and I am the only one who does not have a M.A. or a Ph.D. I am so grateful that they trust me enough to contribute a real article in a real book, and this time it is so different than what I did for Dave Eggers and Lola Vollen. I feel much more like a peer, and someone who will be taken seriously. Besides, being published in a book like this is good for my professional life, too, you know.

Also, I might add Bosnia as a leg of my journey because I am so close, and most of you know that it is the one place in the world that I want to go to more than anywhere else. I am looking for internships, jobs, whatever right now, so we will see how that goes. Like I said, if you want to read my controversial words, go here:
http://www.turkishweekly.net/comments.php

Don't you hate it when the parentals are right? My dad always says everything happens for a reason (I think I've told you all this before), and I know I wrinkle my nose and sigh in boredom every time he tells me this, but man, is he right. Noyan really is a caring person, someone who is very considerate, and is turning out to be bearable. Even more brilliant is his sister, Benan. She came back from vacation about three weeks ago, and it is surprising how fast we have become so close. I think it scares Noyan. She's a theatre student—I think I have an affinity for theatre majors as some of my best friends love theatre – and she is so amazing. So are her friends. Most of them don't speak much English, but I have hung out with many of them on a number of occasions, and we can talk for hours on end about anything with a little bit of translating. The entrance system for theatre students is very arduous here, and so I went along to watch, meet her friends, and have some fun watching people be nervous. Out of 600 people, her school took 12. More importantly, I love her friends: They are so nice to me, and they have promised me all sorts of things – nights out, food, drinking, stories…everyone tells me I am so lucky. A few of them, by Rabia, have been dubbed "Khushbu's pets" because somehow they always sit in a circle around me and try to teach me things, tell me stories, or get my attention even though our communication is not always so fabulous.

Çağrı and Ezgi have left, and while I talk to Çağrı still, Ezgi and I really don't speak anymore. However, new interns have come and we are having a fun time. Everything is well and almost perfect.

The biggest compliment comes from Baris because he is one of those guys that is severely disillusioned, very macho and tough, and hates women. Seriously, I wish you could meet him. He's only a few years older than me, but he always talks about how old he is, and the fun time in life is over. Mr. Laciner told us that because his IQ is something ridiculous that he cannot control what he says, and that he says some pretty awkward things. Yet, we were out last Friday and he turned to everyone and he said, "You know, I think you are our favorite intern. We will really miss you when you leave." From him, it is the most important compliments because we rarely hear him compliment people. I think it will be hard to leave the people, if not the city.

My Cake Boy aka Mr. Khushbu Shah is just a fun thing to look at and you know me when I think someone is cute. I refuse to talk to him or go near him. The guys love calling him cake boy, and when he says hi to me, they think it's even funnier that I blush and ignore him. Yet somehow we girls get free dessert every day. I like to pretend he is the one who sends it to us, but it has to be our waiter, the one we have had for weeks. Fantasy is always more fun than reality.

Hopefully you can tell that I am enjoying my life, for the most part. I have a hard time with the men, but I am learning to be more stoic, fierce, and tough. My biggest barrier, though, in loving the city, is the language. It kills me that I cannot understand the majority of conversations, or that I might be missing out on friendships because of this wall.

I hope that this was enough of a mix of the old Khushbu and the new Khushbu for you all this time. I got some complaints last time telling me I sound too formal and rigid, so here I am! I think I have found a good balance for right now, but I can tell I am changing. Sometimes it is not such a good change because I do not feel so shy or humble when people compliment me. I don't blush as much anymore, and I am so outgoing that I even scare myself sometimes. I don't exactly know where I am going with this or in the future, but hopefully, it will be a good change. I should go now because a bunch of Turkish guys are taking me to a football game!